And now we bring you a collection of previously unpublished works from Chris McMichael, collated from mad scribblings in a diary he left behind before passing on (to the USA)…

 

Pregame:

Div 4 Griff-ettes played at 6 at Hillcrest unfortunately this time did not suit Jess Westthorp who decided to join her 4 teammates with 2 minutes to go in the first quarter. Despite umpiring help from Peter Steel (D2 men) the Griffins gave up a lead that would decide the match. In his attempt to single-handedly umpire the match, benefit the Griffins and get fit Pete forgot to watch out for the lines and thus tripped over in front of everyone!

The Central’s opposition was boosted by Ex-Griffins Tara and Catherine. Despite this the girls continued fighting; Anna ‘Post-moves’ Perejma and Jess McNamara played hard inside while our Kate-combo (Simmons & Richards) controlled the tempo of the game.

The Girls matched Centrals in the last 3 quarters thanks to some very sharp shooting by Jess Westthorp who finished the game with 16 points at 75%.

The girls went down by 12 in the end. Coach Richard McNally refused a post match interview because he had the DERBY to get to. It was supposedly before he left the Hillcrest stadium that he bought his match ticket for the Dome…

Meanwhile at the Dome…

7:30 pm and fans were packing into the 8000 person stadium. The Court Observation Worker indicated that she had not seen the stadium so packed since the Korfball world champs earlier that week. (Ex-Griffs Patty and Robbo played for Australia in that competition)

Griffins Team 1 (Griffs-olds) consisting of tried and trusted warriors were boosted by the inclusion of Dave Scroggs who was flown in for the game on his company jet.

Griffins Team 2 (Griff-lings) was made up – with the exception of McNally – of many fresh young faces uncorrupted by pub-crawls and Griffin antics. The big exclusion for the match was the absence of Jeremy Cotterill who is serving his 3rd week of an 8 week ban for playing social ball… This loss was countered by a coaching change. Head coach Phil Antram, deciding not to continue to coach the injury prone Griff-olds, is now with the Griff-lings.

 

The sidelines were a-buzz with talk of the match ups provided by this contest;

Brian ‘B’ Ho vs Nguyen ‘The Smiling Samurai’

Luke ‘Little Wens’ Wensley vs Matt ‘Wens’ Wensley

Mockford vs Referee

Scroggs vs Hamish Appleyard

McNally vs Tonkin

Penn vs Kel’s own team (does anyone listen to him ???)

 

The title for The Griffins Most Beautiful Man award was also up for grabs during the next fully timed 40 minutes. The winner would get a centerfold article in GQ (Griffins Quarterly). Shortlisted Contestants included; Dave Scroggs, Brad Pitman, Hamish Appleyard and Chris Mockford.

Finally; after Dave Scroggs found his uniform, after our president adjusted his headband and after California Ken had finished talking to the Australian media… It was game time!!!

First Quarter:

As anticipated the second derby of 2011 started at a frantic pace. A McNally air ball from inside the key, Hamish Appleyard chasing down Kel Penn, missed passes and shots all indicated that this game was truly a Griffins Derby.

Things changed however when The Dan Harris entered the Dome in his shirt and shorts… the man does not feel the cold! It was with Dan looking on that the Scroggsmachine turned on! Dave’s slick keyway feeds to JT as well as layups and steals ensured that the Griff-olds finished the quarter on top.

Second Quarter: Score 19-9

The second quarter started the same way as the first with the Griff-olds slicing through the Griff-lings zone defense. The defensive ninja Nguyen changed this… he was everywhere, increasing the pressure on the Griff-old guards.

Kel and B responded to the pressure with the play of the game… 9:09 second quarter, Kel with the ball after some broken play lofted it into the key where Brian was waiting. Brian elevated, received the pinpoint pass and lay the ball in with such force that the entire stadium shook. Some spectators swear that B actually jumped over the ring and threw it down from 14 feet in the air. What we do know is that B had 2 more points to his name and Kel had one more assist. To prove he was human Brian then chose to miss his next open layup. B made this post game comment; “Missing layups helps supporters relate to you – just ask Chris McMichael”

After this showboating the Griff-lings knuckled-down. Hamish improved his standing as the Griffins most beautiful after knocking down a deep 3 on Dave’s head. Only to repeat the act a few plays later. Luke Wensley came closer to taking the nickname “Wens” after making a sweet shot from an inbound play. Rich McNally showed his young teammates how to do it with a sweet old-school hook in the lane.

This scoring frustrated the Griff-olds. Mocky got told off by the ref for helping him count beyond 24… Dave decided enough-was-enough. After pulling down a D-board he proceeded to dribble the court, lose control twice, wink to the cheerleaders, make a business call and then put in the left-handed layup.

Half Time:

It couldn’t be a derby without The Dan getting told off by the Establishment for shooting during the break. Despite spending most of her time disciplining unruly basketballers the (Editor’s Note: the next word is Chris’s previously forgotten manuscript seems to be covered in an ink spillage!) managed to find a bogus playing ticket…cue dramatic music…

The Griff-lings showed that to them poverty is worse than dobbing-in a team mate as they promptly pointed the finger at their team veteran Richard McNally. Shocked at the mutiny he was witnessing and knowing that negotiating with the (Editor’s Note: what was Chris doing with all this ink, anyway?) was futile he resigned to buying a new ticket.

Scotty Buckets tried his best to keep the crowed on-side by offering lollies to his biggest fans. Wow isn’t Scott a great guy – in fact he may be leading the Griffins Good-Guy award which was held by Rich McNally until moments before.

Third Quarter: Score 37-23

Nguyen the ‘Nice Ninja’ started the 3rd at warp speed, unfortunately his first play was not ideal… maybe his boardies under the basketball shorts was restricting or maybe he was smiling too fast??? Whatever it was, he missed a very open layup…

Kel showed it is easier if his teammates do most of the work as he tipped in their shots. Brad got his post game going pulling big boards and scoring over his U23’s coach in the lane. Mockford got the shits and a techfoul after hitting a screen he did not know was coming. Brian continued racking up assists. All this action required big Wens to reach for his puffer. Tonkin decided Brad had done enough and stripped him of the ball at the high post (Editor’s Note: totally not a foul…).

The quarter’s final play pitted L Wens against D Scroggs. The bigger body, sleepy eyes and complete facial hair coverage resulted in a layup, a foul & a made free throw.

Luke tried to get his own back taking a ¾ court shot. Not one of his final shots in each quarter of the 3 quarters was even close – but they did affect his shot percentage…

Fourth Quarter: Score 55-33

The fourth quarter was just as eventful as the first 3 with John Tonkin keeping the stats bench busy with his 6th block of the night to go with his game high 14 points. The fourth started with an 8-0 run to the Griff-olds but after a timeout and carefully chosen words by Coach Antram the Griff-lings were back playing proper basketball.

Luke Wensley made up for his defensive lapse at the end of the third by blocking the Scroggsmachine attempting a reverse layup. Luke then went on to splash a 3 in his older brother’s face. Matthew indicated that he did not see the ball go in the basket because he was too busy looking at the scoreboard…

Wens got his own highlight later on though; with the shot-clock winding down he had the ball at the high post, he made a strong move to the basket, he jumped – floating through the lane in a Kobe-esque fashion, made the shot and then included the mandatory ESPN fist pump.

Kel continued to seemingly talk to himself, Hamish knocked down another 3, Buckets made buckets from the short corner and Brad threw some cheap shots and talked some smack. Unfortunately the Griff-old’s proficiency on the break meant that the Griff-lings could not get back in the game.

In another epic battle the Div 5 Griffins team1 got the win.

Final Score: 68-51

Scorers in double figures: Tonkin, Mockford, Scroggs, McClusky, Appleyard & L Wensley

The players and Coach Phil refused to comment on the outcome of the match. Sources within the Griffin’s playing group indicated that he was not happy with either team’s ability to execute offences. Apparently at the next training session coach Phil incorporated punishments into drills. The social committee worries that this may affect player’s pub-fitness.

Quote of the night: Featuring; Dan Harris and Scotty Guts (previously ‘Guns’ before the bulge)

Dan; “is that a love heart drawn on your arm Scott???”

Guts; “no Dan it’s a cock…”

Dan; “oh… cool, that’s much less gay”

 

PUB-CRAWL

In true Griffins fashion the derby was just a precursor to the DRUNKMAN pub-crawl. The crawl started at sponsor hotel the Cumberland Arms and then swept through the Colonel Light, Rosemont and finished at the Woolshed.

As with any pub-crawl there was dancing, drama and debauchery. Dan Harris had the biggest entourage, Luke Wens, the biggest hangover. Casey got on a bull and rode him like a champion. Pip Tape’s head still hurt when she got on her plane flight 2 days later. Mc-Michael (Jackson) won an epic D-floor challenge, in celebration he spent some C-Money only to later return without a shirt, but with a yiros…

Pub-crawler of the night Award had 3 nominees; Brad Pitman, Joey Elms and Mindy Vink. All nominees lasted at the woolshed until it closed at 4:30am. The winner is to be announced after all votes are counted:

Brad – attended all pubs, was part of victorious D-Floor challenge team & worked the next day

Jo – Youngest of 3 nominees, probably does not remember after midnight & used the phrase; “I make paro look goooood”

Mindy – Female, lasted longer at the strippers than Tom Alford & Female.

YOU DECIDE…

I wish all AUBC teams the best of luck for the rest of the season, I will miss all of you and I’m sad I can’t finish the season here.

All the best, See you all again next July

- Chris (C-Money) McMichael